The Cure for Mean Girl Syndrome

It's a human need to belong to a group. We have groups for every category of human interaction: work, family, religious, political, and school. We all, whether introverted, extroverted, or somewhere in between, find ways to connect with other human beings. It's part of our survival. We're hard-wired for it.

Even the misanthrope would be lost without a group to project his or her abhorrence upon. At the very basic, groups help us to survive, and at the most, they support our growth as human beings moving through this lifetime.

I have what my best-friend calls, "new girl syndrome." We moved a lot when I was growing up. It was never easy being the new girl at school. When ever I get into a new social group, I feel a lot of anxiety. In talking to others, I've found that a lot of people feel this way.

The first week or so at OCOM, we were all cautious with one another, friendly, accepting. It felt as if there was a giant cloud of new girl syndrome floating over our 74 person, male and female, class.

Now that a few weeks have passed and we've gone through the rigors of our first few tests together, and have had to partially disrobe and palpate one another--we're still navigating the tricky waters of friendship and classmate interaction.

Though we've overcome normal social boundaries by groping one another's muscles and bones, or sticking little colored dots on each other's acupuncture points until we look like human dot candy, we're still all so new to each other that real friendships may only just be starting.

What I've noticed is that even though we've grown more comfortable with one another, there don't seem to be any cliques forming. I haven't heard a shred of gossip about any fellow classmates. There are certainly people who have more things in common and gravitate toward one another, but never at the exclusion of others.

I think about the movie, "Mean Girls." When I watched that movie, some of it felt true, but mostly, it fell short of capturing the incredible cruelty that can destroy an adolescent's self esteem. Lately, we've see that truth in the recent headlines about bullied teenagers killing themselves.

I don't expect anything like that will happen with our class. I mean, we're all too self-actualized, right?

Honestly, I feel optimistic about us as a group. I can't say I've ever felt more welcomed and energized by a new social/school group before. We all want each other to succeed. If there is any competition, it seems to be internalized. I know when I'm feeling competitive, I have to look at my own insecurities and change my definition of success.

I like believing it's because as a group, most of us have chosen a profession where we want to put wholeness of body, mind, and spirit into practice. We're walking the walk.

Maybe all it takes to cure new girl syndrome is choosing a path of wholeness and staying on it.